Tag Archives: dylsexia

Super mom is dead.

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Super mom is dead.

I sat in my daughters horseback riding lesson, up in the upper viewing area. I sat there with another homeschool mom. We chatted for a while, it’s nice to have someone to talk to. I was reading a book on my iPad and she was going through her grocery list, recipes and printed ingredients list. I glanced over and sighed. I wish I could be like that, but really it’s just not going to happen. Not in this lifetime, nope. I started letting my mind go down the rabbit hole, you know the one. perfect homeschool mom, perfect organized house, perfect super intelligent kids. I looked at my daughter through the window she sat taller, smiled at me, I smiled back her grin was really infectious. I looked over at my friend asking her husband if he liked a certain recipe. My husband was driving my other daughter to soccer and well I don’t even think we ate. Sigh. I also forgot my daughters homework, well I didn’t, she did. The truth is she has a slight dyslexia and well her working memory is well not working for her. I chatted a little more and found out that this other homeschooling mom has 2 daughters with Dyslexia, and well she struggled with the same things I did. she just was a little more organized than me. We chatted and laughed about our circumstances and funny thing, I really didn’t care if she had all her recipes and lists. I know what my family likes. I can cook well and most days what’s a recipe?Mom

The next day I was on Facebook or fakebook, however you choose to view it. I was being informed by people I actually know and respect that if I didn’t take a particular health drink, wellness product, diet supplement ,(whatever) I was categorized as a supplement snob.I also have heard that I’m apparently supposed to be a super mom. naps are not okay and we need this wonderful , amazing , product for energy.( Where in the world did we ever get the idea that we were not supposed to be tired?? )Seriously.( disclaimer; I know people are trying to be healthy and um  make money, I’m all for it. But I am not for highschool pressure and bandwagon advertising. I’m for sustainable health that can be grown, not bought.If this particular health choice is for you, have at it. But please stay off my news feed with your sales pitches. Thanks) I mean is this highschool where we pressure moms ( who in my opinion are already under so much pressure) to purchase products?  It brought me back to one day at my high school, Nonnewaug in Woodbury Ct. I was not the kind of person to follow fashions, fads or people. I was very much just me. Save your brand names for someone who actually cares, I don’t. I’ve seen people in designer jeans punch the lights out of a sweet overweight boy and I’ve seen dept. store clothing on a skinny nerd protect that same boy from the popular bully. Clearly clothes don’t make the person. Anyway I’m in the bathroom and this popular, designer girl says to me,” Oh hey I love your shirt. Did you get this at”( totally forget where) I actually had bought this shirt after work, at the mall, but there was something in me that just could not tell her that. So I looked her right in the eye and said” Actually I got this at Kmart, On Sale.” She got really red and said, “oh um”, and walked out. I washed my hands with a special smirk on my face. So here I am on Facebook and I have absolutely NO desire to follow diet fads or homeschool fads or any such thing. I’m me. That’s it. If I like something on Facebook and my whole world didn’t like it, I like it. I don’t wait for someone I know to like it. God made me an individual. That means I’m gonna like, do and be things others completely disagree with. I will not follow the herd. I actually do not care if people talk about my blog , my choice in music or how I raise my children. I just can only do the thing God called me to do, and that means being me. (Which surprisingly is really difficult to do).

So I ignore the sales pitches on Facebook, I disregard how to organize your home in 10 easy steps. I drink my delicious coffee and smile. When I’m tired, I allow myself time to unwind, read, sleep, whatever I have to do to rejuvenate. There was a once upon a time where I felt guilty for it. I mean I’m a Christian and a homeschooling mom. I’m supposed to work harder than everyone. I’m supposed to farm, teach, clean , drive, love, be the perfect mom, wife and believer. I nearly killed myself.( and i am serious, depression, nerve pain which i still have forever, along with my mind which betrays me. bad stuff) So now that I have 4 back surgeries under my ,um belt? I decided that I definitely did not fit the qualifications for supermom. I fit the qualifications for Barb, who gets tired during the day, who absolutely loves super heroes( like cute ones LOL) who loves Ron Paul, Joel Salatin and thinks very Libertarian. Who loves Tom Woods but wishes my mind could think like him. I love my kids, but honestly this homeschooling is hard and there are days I’d ship them off to Narnia. They can drive me right to the brink of crazy and back.( I think my husband wonders if I came back) I love my husband and we have a great relationship. I don’t post mushy , I love my husband posts. Honestly we are not like that. We laugh, zing each other, yell at each other and we both accept the days of exhaustion that consume us and fall in our beds mumbling about how tired we are LOL. I don’t need people to think we are perfect or my kids are perfect. They aren’t. We are all undone right? I’m also someone who cannot tolerate heat, like the overwhelming kind. It makes me freak out and think about things I usually don’t even think about. I hate to hear about suffering of any kind, it gives me a terror or sense of dread I could never explain. I will always speak out about anyone who abuses children and I don’t care if they were your favorite Christian celebrity,rock star or President. That doesn’t make me bitter, unforgiving and helpless,  that makes me passionate and mad as heck that people abuse power and trust. Please don’t tell me how to heal or forgive with idioms or preaching videos. I honestly don’t need them. I function( most days) just fine The past is the past until it steps on the heels of the present. Then I have to refocus and regroup. Yes that is hard, yes it messes with my mind and yes i have to fight for everything I’m worth.There is no magic wand to erase the feeling of dread, of complete utter terror. It’s not going to go away. (where are the MIB when you need them?) So here’s me. A bit of a mess, A bit crazy and a whole lot sarcastic. I am not a super mom. I don’t need a super pill. I have A Super God. He’s always been sufficient, even when I’m not. Be you. Living for everyone else is just exhausting!super god

What a good job. Here’s a sticker.

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I was thinking about that meme this morning that says,” Post a picture of my dog. Get 35 likes. Post a meaningful topic about NSA spying( or Ron Paul) , get 1 like.” So the story goes. There isn’t always a visible reward for doing right. It is a grave error we taught our children. Look mom, I got a sticker on my paper!! It has wiggled something at the back of my conscience. What happened to Jesus disciples? The founders. They died prosperous , wealthy people right?. Wrong. What has happened to this country where we have forgotten that doing right is its own reward. Honestly, I forget too. I get discouraged like you. I want to see it. I want the visible proof that what I am doing makes a difference. I want to change a life before I die. I try to teach my children this in the little things. If your room is a mess, you live in that cluttered, disgusting, pig slop( nice words huh?).When you clean it, that feeling you get, when your head hits the pillow, knowing you did the work . That feeling is entirely yours. That is your reward. You don’t need to be bribed or begged. The work and the accomplishment IS the reward.Why do we need to bribe kids to memorize verses? Isn’t knowing Gods Word enough?” If you give a mouse a Cookie..” If_You_Give_A_Mouse_A_Cookie
People want a reward for their deeds.They want to be noticed. They want recompense. I want my kids to be like their Dad. He never does what he does for glory. Believe me he has his opportunities too. He’s a linemen but besides that he can do just about anything.( It’s so annoying!!!) He was waiting in line one day at a gas station, he was at the back. It was around Christmas time and the station was buzzing with people. A young mom was up front buying formula, milk, bread and eggs. Her card got denied. Now with all of the “men” in front of my husband you would think someone, anyone would say, “hey let me get that.” She wasn’t buying booze or anything. No-one moved. So He comes from the back of the line and says I’ll pay for it. That is not the first time he’s helped people either; He’s changed tires, driven people who were stranded, helped neighbors, saved someones life, payed people’s rent, moved my friends out of situations and on and on. All the while he will never tell you. He never wants people to know and never tries to lift himself up. He didn’t do that,that day because he wanted everyone to see how great he was. No he did it because there was a need. If he didn’t do it. Who would? Who will help the orphans and the widows? Who will feed the poor and help those in need? You cannot wait for someone else to do right. They are not going to. Do not expect a tangible reward. Do not expect people to think you are so wonderful. Sometimes it is a lonely path. Just ask Ron Paul.

Benjamin Franklin was known to have started many things like Libraries, fire departments etc. He apparently believed Virtue was its own reward( not believing that it granted him salvation though). In a conversation with his mother he said” I would rather have it said, He lived usefully, than he died rich.” I guess he didn’t need a sticker.
ben franklin virtue