It’s one of those days. I don’t like complaining. You wont find me updating my Facebook status. I don’t tell my husband. I wont even call my family. The pain of my back and my nerve have taken over. I don’t feel like home educating. My kids don’t know. I just wake up. The pains there. I say “not today.” This started for me when my youngest was five months. Now here I am with two back surgeries. In a world where surgery is sociably unacceptable, where the chiropractor seems to be “god”. What do I do? I have no substitute teacher. I could be the super mom and push through the pain. My kids know this mom. She’s not fun. Isn’t that what we Christians do though. God gave me these kids to raise. This is my job. I need to raise them. I mean if I don’t do algebra today my children will be ruined for life. I have been through every scenario where I guilted myself into pushing past the pain. I have become the super “godly” mom to keep educating. God has reminded me lately though that even our Lord got tired. That it really is okay to take a day off. I admit it is hard for me. I have to just let it all go. For people like moms that’s nearly impossible. We are the givers. We do the doing. To let others help. That is where the struggle comes. You may not have a back problem. What if your brain is just fried. Oh man, I have been there. I have been where I can’t think. You know like Winnie the Pooh, think, think, think. I’m just done. I want out. Other moms tend to “help” here too. They will say things like “oh I just love home schooling” You know and your thinking, really because right now I’d like to be in Costa Rica! Don’t worry Homeschooling moms can lie too! Don’t compare yourselves to their lie. Everyone has their days. I don’t NEED to home educate. God has chosen to have me home educate. I can’t tell you the days I have pleaded for my nerve pain to go away. I have a pain management regime I follow, but some days there isn’t enough I can do. I just don’t feel like doing my job. Do you know what God does for me? It comes in the form of a phone call. One of my best friends in the whole world. My husbands grandma. She’ll call. I say “Hi Grandma.”
Thinking I am giving nothing away she’s “Barb what’s wrong.?”UGH, I am trying to make her life easier and she picks up on it every time. We share back pain so she knows. We pray for each other. God knows your needs. Sometimes He is like the calm before the springtime. Yesterday the birds were singing. Joel said” Mom I can’t believe those birds are singing.” I stopped and listened. He would notice.It started snowing yesterday. It was just like God saying,” Don’t get discouraged spring really is going to come.” Spring will come for you. Just take a day off. Listen for God . Do something fun with your kids. Maybe read to them, bake cookie.Most of all, LAUGH. Be the mom, not the teacher. I know it gets hard. I don’t always feel like home educating. I don’t today. Don’t waste the time you have with regret. God gave this time you have to use wisely. Life will not fall apart in one day. When you don’t feel like home educating. Take a day off. Be just a mom, a happy, carefree SMILING mom.
11 For,lo,the winter is past,the rain is over and gone;
12 The flowers appear on the earth ;the time of the singing of the birds is come….. Song of Solomon 2:11,12
Spring is Coming. You will begin again. God gives new beginnings. If I can begin anew even in my pain, so can you!